Lately, I’ve been wondering about something.
Why is it that we can want something with all our heart…
…and still spend years moving away from it?
Not because someone is stopping us.
Not because life is unfair.
Sometimes there isn’t even a clear reason.
And yet, somehow, we resist the very things we say we long for.
I’ve seen it in people I’ve worked with.
I’ve seen it in myself.
Someone says they want a loving relationship, yet keeps choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable.
Someone dreams of changing careers, yet finds endless reasons to wait “a little longer.”
Someone says they want peace, while holding on tightly to the familiar chaos they’ve known for years.
Why?
I’ve stopped believing it’s because we’re lazy.
Or weak.
Or lacking motivation.
Those explanations feel too simple.
Too convenient.
Resistance Is Protecting Something
I wonder if resistance is trying to protect something.
Not our future.
Our identity.
Perhaps every meaningful change quietly asks us to loosen our grip on a version of ourselves we’ve carried for years.
Even when that version no longer serves us.
After all…
Who are we without the stories we’ve been telling ourselves?
Who am I if I’m no longer “the one who always struggles”?
Or “the one who has to prove herself”?
Or “the one who never gets it right”?
Those identities can become strangely comfortable.
Not because they’re pleasant.
Because they’re familiar.
And familiarity has a gravity of its own.
Working With It, One Piece at a Time
Is there a way around it?
I’m not sure.
Perhaps.
So far, my experience has shown me that fighting resistance usually leads nowhere, except to more frustration.
Instead, I’ve found it more helpful to sit with it.
To become curious.
To let it reveal the different pieces that make it what it is.
Fear.
Old habits.
Protection.
Grief.
Sometimes all at once.
Rather than trying to tear the whole wall down, I find it easier to work with one piece at a time.
Small steps.
Small victories.
Slowly weaving my way through.
I’m sure there are other ways.
There usually isn’t just one path up a mountain.
This is simply the one that’s been working for me, so far.
That said, I’d like to challenge myself not to become too attached to what already works.
Comfort can quietly become another form of resistance.
Perhaps there are paths I haven’t discovered yet.
If you’ve found one, I’d genuinely love to hear about it.
After all, I’m still learning too.
